This could be one of the harder posts I have had to do since Callie left.
Growing up we were ALWAYS around our grandparents. Being at their lake house was always the best treat for any young kid! When they moved to Florida, I was mad!! It was like they left us! But our parents were awesome enough to take us down and even just send us down to visit them. Of course they would come home to visit us too, but it was so much more cooler to go down to their house! (shoot, they always let us break the rules... and Grandma ALWAYS had the biggest and best strawberries!!!)
When Grandma passed away shortly after we lost Callie, I felt my world collapse around me. I always had a special bond with Grandma and I made sure she knew that!!! (sorry to my siblings & cousins, but you know Im soooo Grandmas fave!) It took me a while to believe she was really gone. But in a weird way, it brought me some comfort to know that she was taking care of Callie for me. She never got to meet or hold Callie so this was her way to get Callie all to herself! I still haven't accepted the fact that either one of them is really gone, and Im not sure if I ever completely will.
When Grandpa was home for Grandmas services, my heart broke into a million more pieces seeing how heartbroken he was. They were married for 55 years... they completed each other and now she was gone. It was like he was lost. We all took him under our wings and just all worried about him.
He went into the hospital recently and our family goal was to get him better so we could get him home to Bremen to recoop and to officially move. We NEEDED him back home... and he needed to be here.
I talked to him every day while he was home. He would answer the phone "Hi My Katie" and I would ask him how he knew it was me and he'd tell me I was the only one who would call him daily! He'd tell me he was waiting for my call... do you know how awesome that made me feel??
I talked to him last week on one of his better days and he told me that he couldn't wait to get back to Indiana so he could be here when the new babies came (referring to our bundle and then my cousin Michael & Michelles baby due in September). It brought a smile to my face and told him I couldn't wait for our babies to meet the "Bear". We chatted some more and then he told me that the #1 thing he wanted, was to be with my Grandma. It broke my heart. The tears began to flow like crazy. I know she was his sweetheart and he was just heartbroken. Bless his heart.
Grandpa passed away yesterday afternoon. No one would tell me until our day in Chicago was over. I guess I understand that but I had a feeling all day that something was wrong. I guess its that 6th sense people say we have. I just knew something was wrong.
My mom broke the news to me as we drove home from Chicago. I cried so hard the whole way home. My poor husband didn't know what to say. He just reached over and rubbed my leg and told me he was there for me. He was awesome to me when Grandma left and knows that with our "extra cargo" Im carrying I have to watch so I dont get my blood pressure up.
I know my Grandpa was sick, but honestly, I had no idea that he was this sick. He never wanted to be kept alive by machines. He was ready to go. he wanted to go and be with the love of his life. He wanted to be with Grandma again. I prayed to Callie several times "Don't take my Poppa" but for some reason, she thought she needed him more than I did. I hope Poppa found them and is on Grandma's swing with them. (I hope Grandma has a strong swing! ha)
I will miss my grandparents more than anyone will ever imagine. I never had a bond with my dads parents, so honestly, I really only had one set of Grandparents. And those two, Busi & Bear, were the BEST grandparents EVER!
I have so many great memories of the two of them that will last a lifetime. It saddens me deeply that my future child(ren) will never know Busi & Bear. You can bet that I will tell them all about them though! They were amazing people, and will NEVER be forgotten. They are the reason our family is so strong today.
To Busi & Poppa (I think I am the only one who calls him that)... I love you both so much it hurts. I am sad you're gone but happy that you are together. Callie is lucky that she gets you all to herself... and youre lucky that you have her. Tell her I miss her and that I love her so very much. Momma misses Monkey.
The three of you are SO important to me and I love you all!!
I MISS YOU!!
Until we meet again....
Friday, May 28, 2010
Chicago
We survived Chicago!!!
Where do I even start? We got to Chicago Wednesday night. We got stuck in traffic on the Dan Ryan Expressway but still made it to Chicago in good time! We checked into the hotel and then went out walking.... Craig was set on getting new shoes (imagine that!). Once we got daddy new shoes, we stopped to eat at the Hard Rock and then back to the hotel. We were tired but of course, we didn't sleep well, probably because we were nervous for Thursday.
We got up Thursday and met up with Amy Pisani. She is the executive director at Every Child by Two, the organization that is making this all possible for us to share our story and raise awareness. We sat in on a session put on my Ari Brown. Shes a practicing pediatrician and also a spokesperson for raising awareness about child vaccines. She was an amazing speaker and we really enjoyed listening to her. If youre interested in learning more, here is her website http://www.draribrown.com/
After she spoke, Amy did a session about vaccines and the media. It was about how to try to pitch stories to the media in hopes they bite on it. Mind you, that this conference was attended by people in the medical field, such as nurses, doctors and then people from each of the 50 states who sit on their states Immunization Coalition. So we were the only "non-medical" people there. But we found it very informing. During Amy's speech she referenced us many times.... during her slide show she even had clips from the Good Morning America segment and the CNN iReport. So it was kinda overwhelming but we're glad that Callie got to be seen!
At lunch we got to head out and had about 4 hours to do what we wanted. So we had lunch at the Rainforest Cafe and then we walked.... and walked... and walked. We had no idea where we were going so we just walked until we saw something interesting! And yep, I have the blisters to prove it!!
We got back to the conference and Amy and two of her colleagues had "gifts" for us!! It was a bottle of wine (which I am sooo saving until after this baby is born... Craigs not drinking it without me) and then a huge bag of Garretts Chicago Style Popcorn! OMG if you haven't had that stuff, its the BEST!! So yummy! Such great people!!! We're so lucky to have been teamed up with Amy!
Right before we spoke, Amy showed the group the Good Morning America clip. This was only the 2nd time we'd seen it so it was a little hard to watch. It brought tears to both of our eyes, and many of the attendees as well. Then after it was done, we stood up to speak. At first I felt like I had a lump in my throat, I was trying not to breakdown, which wasn't easy. Then I took a deep breath and everything just flowed. I spoke about our quest to get her, our time with her, our devastation of losing her, the whole nine yards. Then we spoke about wanting to raise awareness about the TDaP and about doing it all in Callie's name. We spoke out the new baby we're expecting and how its eerie that we're due the day after Callie would have turned one. The crowd laughed and cried with us. It was amazing. When we were done, they gave us a standing ovation. We went back to our table and people came up to us all teary eyed to thank us for being there and just to hug us. One lady was from the national coalition of immunizations and vowed to contact us about making it a mandated policy in hospitals to offer new moms the vaccine after giving birth!! YAY!! So, Callie's Crusade lives on!
It was an awesome awesome experience!!!!
After the conference we went to the Darius Rucker concert at Joe's Bar. It was a charity event hosted by Greg Olsen of the Chicago Bears and the place was full of celebs... from Bears players (quarterback Jay Cutler and others) to Blackhawks and Cubs players. Amazing.
When Darius came out, he looked at us, looked away and then did a double take. He winked, and I felt like he knew who we were. Even if he didn't, he made it seem like he did and it was amazing to me. You all know about the connection with Darius, me and Callie right?? If not, let me know and Id be happy to tell the story.
He put on one heck of a show. He personally handed me his guitar pick he used and then his roadie guy after the show gave me the set list that they had for knowing what song was coming up next.
We had a blast! When he did the song called "It Won't Be Like This For Long" my tears flowed.... Craig got teary eyed too. Craig wrapped his arms around me and we just cried. For those of you who don't know, its a song Darius wrote for his daughter about growing up and its just a perfect daddy/daughter song...and it was the first time we'd heard the song since Callie left us... whenever we hear it on the radio, we turn the channel and when it comes up on the cd, we skip over it. So it was sad, but we needed to hear it... especially live! Once it was over, we wiped the tears away and went back to rocking out!! It was just an awesome night!
Til next time....
Where do I even start? We got to Chicago Wednesday night. We got stuck in traffic on the Dan Ryan Expressway but still made it to Chicago in good time! We checked into the hotel and then went out walking.... Craig was set on getting new shoes (imagine that!). Once we got daddy new shoes, we stopped to eat at the Hard Rock and then back to the hotel. We were tired but of course, we didn't sleep well, probably because we were nervous for Thursday.
We got up Thursday and met up with Amy Pisani. She is the executive director at Every Child by Two, the organization that is making this all possible for us to share our story and raise awareness. We sat in on a session put on my Ari Brown. Shes a practicing pediatrician and also a spokesperson for raising awareness about child vaccines. She was an amazing speaker and we really enjoyed listening to her. If youre interested in learning more, here is her website http://www.draribrown.com/
After she spoke, Amy did a session about vaccines and the media. It was about how to try to pitch stories to the media in hopes they bite on it. Mind you, that this conference was attended by people in the medical field, such as nurses, doctors and then people from each of the 50 states who sit on their states Immunization Coalition. So we were the only "non-medical" people there. But we found it very informing. During Amy's speech she referenced us many times.... during her slide show she even had clips from the Good Morning America segment and the CNN iReport. So it was kinda overwhelming but we're glad that Callie got to be seen!
At lunch we got to head out and had about 4 hours to do what we wanted. So we had lunch at the Rainforest Cafe and then we walked.... and walked... and walked. We had no idea where we were going so we just walked until we saw something interesting! And yep, I have the blisters to prove it!!
We got back to the conference and Amy and two of her colleagues had "gifts" for us!! It was a bottle of wine (which I am sooo saving until after this baby is born... Craigs not drinking it without me) and then a huge bag of Garretts Chicago Style Popcorn! OMG if you haven't had that stuff, its the BEST!! So yummy! Such great people!!! We're so lucky to have been teamed up with Amy!
Right before we spoke, Amy showed the group the Good Morning America clip. This was only the 2nd time we'd seen it so it was a little hard to watch. It brought tears to both of our eyes, and many of the attendees as well. Then after it was done, we stood up to speak. At first I felt like I had a lump in my throat, I was trying not to breakdown, which wasn't easy. Then I took a deep breath and everything just flowed. I spoke about our quest to get her, our time with her, our devastation of losing her, the whole nine yards. Then we spoke about wanting to raise awareness about the TDaP and about doing it all in Callie's name. We spoke out the new baby we're expecting and how its eerie that we're due the day after Callie would have turned one. The crowd laughed and cried with us. It was amazing. When we were done, they gave us a standing ovation. We went back to our table and people came up to us all teary eyed to thank us for being there and just to hug us. One lady was from the national coalition of immunizations and vowed to contact us about making it a mandated policy in hospitals to offer new moms the vaccine after giving birth!! YAY!! So, Callie's Crusade lives on!
It was an awesome awesome experience!!!!
After the conference we went to the Darius Rucker concert at Joe's Bar. It was a charity event hosted by Greg Olsen of the Chicago Bears and the place was full of celebs... from Bears players (quarterback Jay Cutler and others) to Blackhawks and Cubs players. Amazing.
When Darius came out, he looked at us, looked away and then did a double take. He winked, and I felt like he knew who we were. Even if he didn't, he made it seem like he did and it was amazing to me. You all know about the connection with Darius, me and Callie right?? If not, let me know and Id be happy to tell the story.
He put on one heck of a show. He personally handed me his guitar pick he used and then his roadie guy after the show gave me the set list that they had for knowing what song was coming up next.
We had a blast! When he did the song called "It Won't Be Like This For Long" my tears flowed.... Craig got teary eyed too. Craig wrapped his arms around me and we just cried. For those of you who don't know, its a song Darius wrote for his daughter about growing up and its just a perfect daddy/daughter song...and it was the first time we'd heard the song since Callie left us... whenever we hear it on the radio, we turn the channel and when it comes up on the cd, we skip over it. So it was sad, but we needed to hear it... especially live! Once it was over, we wiped the tears away and went back to rocking out!! It was just an awesome night!
Til next time....
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
9 weeks & CNN
Well, we officially hit the 9 week marker on Saturday. We're 3/4 of the way through the first trimester! HURRAY!!
Im feeling great! My belly looks like Im 5 months pregnant! They told me that I would show early because of it being my second pregnancy and because I was just pregnant 5 months ago. I'll take it though. I love having a baby belly!
Yesterday was a BIG day for Callie Grace. She made CNN! She started out as a little story and then by the afternoon, she was one of the TOP stories! OMG!! I just tried to upload a photo but it wont let me upload it. So instead, check out this link:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/05/24/pregnancy.grief.loss/index.html?hpt=C1http
This week is a big week for us. We are going to Chicago tomorrow night and then Thursday we speak at a conference for immunizations. It's an amazing opportunity. Last night Craig said he even wanted to speak! That SHOCKS me! Then after that we have tickets to see DARIUS RUCKER (special thank you to Jeff & Abby) at Joes Bar. I can't wait. If you dont know the story about Callie & Darius Rucker, I will have to fill you in, its amazing!
I will give you all an update on Friday when we get back from Chicago! =)
Til then...
Im feeling great! My belly looks like Im 5 months pregnant! They told me that I would show early because of it being my second pregnancy and because I was just pregnant 5 months ago. I'll take it though. I love having a baby belly!
Yesterday was a BIG day for Callie Grace. She made CNN! She started out as a little story and then by the afternoon, she was one of the TOP stories! OMG!! I just tried to upload a photo but it wont let me upload it. So instead, check out this link:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/05/24/pregnancy.grief.loss/index.html?hpt=C1http
This week is a big week for us. We are going to Chicago tomorrow night and then Thursday we speak at a conference for immunizations. It's an amazing opportunity. Last night Craig said he even wanted to speak! That SHOCKS me! Then after that we have tickets to see DARIUS RUCKER (special thank you to Jeff & Abby) at Joes Bar. I can't wait. If you dont know the story about Callie & Darius Rucker, I will have to fill you in, its amazing!
I will give you all an update on Friday when we get back from Chicago! =)
Til then...
Thursday, May 20, 2010
8 Week Update
I typed up this really long update and when I hit upload, it deleted. UGHH!!! So we'll try it again!
I went for my 8 week update on Tuesday. And Im proud to say that everything is going really well thus far!!! Yippie!
I met with a blood pressure specialist and he was awesome. Short little chubby guy with a great attitude. He'll keep an eye on me during my pregnancy and do his best to keep my BP in check this time!!! For now, I have to cut out salt from my diet. This will be hard since everything has hidden salts in it but for now, I will read the nutrition lables and just steer clear of the really salty stuff (goodbye pickles I will miss you!)
The ultrasound went good. The baby is about the size of a gummy bear! It measures about an inch. It measures about 21mm. Wowzers!! So tiny but yet it looks so big on the screen!! The heartbeat was fabulous at 173 beats per minute!!! The baby still looke like a little blob on the screen but hey, to me, its Callies sibling!!
For EVERYONE who keeps asking if we're going to find out the gender... Im happy to say that we're NOT! We didn't find out with Callie and we're not finding out with this one. The suspense is so exciting! We'll be a scheduled c-section so atleast I wont have to worry about going into labor!! (i dont want to give birth.. bring on the c-section)!
You all have probably heard about John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston finding out their having a baby... well on CNN yesterday I was reading about it and it had a question about how people try for another child after losing a child. Since we fell into this category, even though our pregnancy was a total shock, I wrote them about our story. Its out there on CNN's website. Check this link: http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-446331. One of their reporters contacted me about our story and did a phone interview to ask us questions. They are doing a story and are going to use some of our converstation for her story!! OMG! Also, I have a phone interview with the Chicago Tribune tomorrow!! CRAZY CRAZY!!!!
Next week we go and attend a conference in Chicago. Then Thursday night of next week we have tickets to go see Darius Rucker in concert... he was Callies favorite so it will be bittersweet for me. I hope HOPE HOPE I get to meet him while at the show!!
So yeah thats the latest!! Will up date you next week!
Until then... taa taa!!
I went for my 8 week update on Tuesday. And Im proud to say that everything is going really well thus far!!! Yippie!
I met with a blood pressure specialist and he was awesome. Short little chubby guy with a great attitude. He'll keep an eye on me during my pregnancy and do his best to keep my BP in check this time!!! For now, I have to cut out salt from my diet. This will be hard since everything has hidden salts in it but for now, I will read the nutrition lables and just steer clear of the really salty stuff (goodbye pickles I will miss you!)
The ultrasound went good. The baby is about the size of a gummy bear! It measures about an inch. It measures about 21mm. Wowzers!! So tiny but yet it looks so big on the screen!! The heartbeat was fabulous at 173 beats per minute!!! The baby still looke like a little blob on the screen but hey, to me, its Callies sibling!!
For EVERYONE who keeps asking if we're going to find out the gender... Im happy to say that we're NOT! We didn't find out with Callie and we're not finding out with this one. The suspense is so exciting! We'll be a scheduled c-section so atleast I wont have to worry about going into labor!! (i dont want to give birth.. bring on the c-section)!
You all have probably heard about John Travolta and his wife Kelly Preston finding out their having a baby... well on CNN yesterday I was reading about it and it had a question about how people try for another child after losing a child. Since we fell into this category, even though our pregnancy was a total shock, I wrote them about our story. Its out there on CNN's website. Check this link: http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-446331. One of their reporters contacted me about our story and did a phone interview to ask us questions. They are doing a story and are going to use some of our converstation for her story!! OMG! Also, I have a phone interview with the Chicago Tribune tomorrow!! CRAZY CRAZY!!!!
Next week we go and attend a conference in Chicago. Then Thursday night of next week we have tickets to go see Darius Rucker in concert... he was Callies favorite so it will be bittersweet for me. I hope HOPE HOPE I get to meet him while at the show!!
So yeah thats the latest!! Will up date you next week!
Until then... taa taa!!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
TDaP Booster
One more side note...
Many of you know that Craig and I are raising awareness for the TDaP booster shot. This is the immunization that you're given as a child in a series of shots to prevent Pertussis (whooping cough). As an adult, your child immunization wears off... leaving you able to get the illness and spread it to people, which could be fatal to infants. Its reccommended that adults get this booster every 10 years.
If you are planning to be around us, plan on coming over once the baby is born.. then you HAVE to have your booster shot (and don't think we're kidding!!) This baby won't be able to go to other peoples houses, our work, the mall, anywhere until they get their shots at 2 months. And we will NOT allow people to come visit unless they've had their boosters. We can't take any chances. And hey, dont be surprised if we ask you to prove that you had this shot.
I know this sounds silly, but we have to protect our child. We can't take any chances. And if you think we're nuts, we probably are!! But we have to be cautious!! Otherwise, you can come stand in the front yard and we'll hold the baby up to the window for you!!!
So get your TDaP!!!!!
Many of you know that Craig and I are raising awareness for the TDaP booster shot. This is the immunization that you're given as a child in a series of shots to prevent Pertussis (whooping cough). As an adult, your child immunization wears off... leaving you able to get the illness and spread it to people, which could be fatal to infants. Its reccommended that adults get this booster every 10 years.
If you are planning to be around us, plan on coming over once the baby is born.. then you HAVE to have your booster shot (and don't think we're kidding!!) This baby won't be able to go to other peoples houses, our work, the mall, anywhere until they get their shots at 2 months. And we will NOT allow people to come visit unless they've had their boosters. We can't take any chances. And hey, dont be surprised if we ask you to prove that you had this shot.
I know this sounds silly, but we have to protect our child. We can't take any chances. And if you think we're nuts, we probably are!! But we have to be cautious!! Otherwise, you can come stand in the front yard and we'll hold the baby up to the window for you!!!
So get your TDaP!!!!!
Been a long time...
Well, it's been awhile since I have posted anything on this blog. I have tried to stay away from it as I have been afraid it would be too sad for me to handle. Truth is, it is sad for me. But I can't avoid it. So here I sit trying to find the words to give you my latest update.
Its been almost 14 weeks since we lost our princess. Not a day goes by when I dont think about her. She is, and always will be, my little monkey! I know she's smiling down on her daddy and I for all that we are doing for her. The interviews, the speeches we're giving, and just raising awareness all in her name. We owe this to her.
It is in both happiness, and scared-ness, that I tell you that we are expecting a baby. We did not plan this. This wasnt suppose to happen. We had been careful. Its obvious my Grandma and Callie plotted this for us!! They're up "there" tag teaming things and I firmly believe they had a hand in this!
I have seen the Dr in Chicago twice now and there is definately a baby in there. Our first u/s was on 4/30 and the baby was about 3.5mm with a heartbeat of 76bpm. We had a followup appointment on 5/5 and the baby is 7mm with a heartbeat of 129bpm.
And the craziest part of this whole thing (the whole thing is crazy, trust me) but the craziest part is that our due date is December 25, 2010... yes, Christmas Day. The day after Callie's birthday. I think Callie wanted a HUGE birthday/Christmas present and this is her way to get what she wants.
We will have another c-section so we'll probably deliver early. But still, for the due date to be 12/25 just is overwhelming! The whole thing is overwhelming to be honest with you but Callie did this!!!! And I firmly believe this!
SO, hows that for an update!!!!
I'll keep you all posted (I actually wonder if anyone reads this anymore?)
Til next time....
MommaKate
Its been almost 14 weeks since we lost our princess. Not a day goes by when I dont think about her. She is, and always will be, my little monkey! I know she's smiling down on her daddy and I for all that we are doing for her. The interviews, the speeches we're giving, and just raising awareness all in her name. We owe this to her.
It is in both happiness, and scared-ness, that I tell you that we are expecting a baby. We did not plan this. This wasnt suppose to happen. We had been careful. Its obvious my Grandma and Callie plotted this for us!! They're up "there" tag teaming things and I firmly believe they had a hand in this!
I have seen the Dr in Chicago twice now and there is definately a baby in there. Our first u/s was on 4/30 and the baby was about 3.5mm with a heartbeat of 76bpm. We had a followup appointment on 5/5 and the baby is 7mm with a heartbeat of 129bpm.
And the craziest part of this whole thing (the whole thing is crazy, trust me) but the craziest part is that our due date is December 25, 2010... yes, Christmas Day. The day after Callie's birthday. I think Callie wanted a HUGE birthday/Christmas present and this is her way to get what she wants.
We will have another c-section so we'll probably deliver early. But still, for the due date to be 12/25 just is overwhelming! The whole thing is overwhelming to be honest with you but Callie did this!!!! And I firmly believe this!
SO, hows that for an update!!!!
I'll keep you all posted (I actually wonder if anyone reads this anymore?)
Til next time....
MommaKate
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