Well, I haven't had any doctor appointments lately, and I guess thats a good thing!! They must think Im doing that well if they dont need to see me!! I was suppose to go up and see Dr. DiGi on October 6, but we have moved the appointment out and now I dont see her until October 19. That same day I will see Dr. Bakris (my blood pressure doctor). What a way to spend my 31st birthday... at the hospital! Guess its better than being at work!! So until then, we'll just sit back, and let the baby cook! When we go up on the 19th, I will be 30 weeks! OMG! Hopefully we'll get to schedule my c-section that day. I'd love to get a date firmed up!
Cole had surgery on Monday. He had been walking with a limp and told us it was "nothing". But after talking to his mom, she took him to see a dr and what do you know, it wasn't just nothing.... it was a big problem! His hip bone wasn't growing into the growth plate right. Had we of caught it sooner, it could have been fixed but since it had shifted, the only thing they could do was put a screw in it to hold it in place! So he had a screw put into his right hip. He'll be on crutches for 6 weeks. Oh dear lord! The kid can barely walk without crutches let alone with them!! We'll help teach him how to do things without the use of his leg and basics like pulling himself up... because lord knows I cant help pull him up! He'll be okay.. just gotta learn to do basics all over again!
Today is a gloomy day, I swear on gloomy days, I end up weepy. I was sitting here and all of sudden the tears started to flow. I miss Callie so much. I sit and think about all the things we missed out with her and the things we should be planning... like her first Halloween costume, her first birthday party, etc. She got cheated out of her life, and it eats me up on the inside. I know there is nothing I can do to bring her back, and I dont have a time machine, but as a mom, it still eats me up. I couldn't save my baby girl, and I HATE THAT FEELING.
People have been walking by my desk and just give me a look but thankfully, no one has said "whats wrong" or "are you okay" because if they did, I think I would snap. People don't understand what I go through, nor do I ever want them to have to find out what this feeling is like. I wouldn't wish it upon my worse enemy. I feel so alone even though I know I have one hell of a support system. Its just sooo damn hard. Im thankful for the people in my life, but yet at the same time, I feel so alone.
Thats about enough of my update for today. I guess we're boring since I dont have much to update you on! Craigs birthday is this Saturday... my hubby is gonna be 36. We are going to Chicago on Sunday. Lunch and then off to the Cubs vs Cards game. Im looking forward to it!! Even though our Cubs suck, we'll still have a good time!! Its like a date day!! Love when I get that one on one time with him!! It doesn't happen that often.
Til next time...
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