Scared Shitless

Well, I start my weekly appointments tomorrow (11/2/10) and I can offically say Im starting to get SCARED. Ive done so well up to this point but now that the reality is actually sitting in, MommmaKate's scared.

I know I can get through the delivery part okay... Im actually THRILLED that I will be a scheduled c-section instead of having to go through labor! I don't know if I'd be able to handle labor or not, but the good news is, I don't have to find out!! We have to have a c-section! And thats good, because thats all I know and know what to expect through the surgery and the recovery.

As for welcoming a new baby into the Van Tornhout Family, Im scared. I know its going to be a whirlwind of emotions when they pull that baby out and we get to see him/her for the first time. Im scared because Im not sure how I will handle it emotionally. I act a lot tougher on the outside than I am on the inside and think its going to really take a toll on me. I wish Callie was here to be able to welcome her new brother/sister into this world.

Craig and I are in this together... and know we'll be okay, we'll have to be. It will just take time to adjust and what not. It's not like Callie is coming back, and we understand that, we just don't accept it yet. If that makes sense?

This baby will be loved and there is no doubt about that. This baby will also grow up knowing about their older sister... no way around that! Callie is still part of our family 120%!!

We have a picture of Callie in a frame that is going to the hospital with us. That way, when Cole comes to see us in the hospital, I can get a picture of my family of 5. I never got a picture of the 4 of us when Callie was here, so you can bet your ass Im getting one of the 5 of us ASAP!!!!

Im off to Chicago tomorrow for my first weekly appointment. I'll go to Chicago every other Tuesday now and then the Tuesdays I dont have to trek to Chicago, Ill have my weekly here in South Bend with Dr. G. SO that will be nice. We'll have weekly ultrasounds and non-stress tests to make sure the baby is doing okay. TOmorrow they will do the final weight check and see how big the baby is. Im guessing between 4 1/2 and 5 lbs! We'll see!!!

So Im gonna end this and I will check in either tomorrow afternoon or Wednesday and give you all an update!!

Til then...